My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
where am i from again
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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