Umm I'm too high to move.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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