We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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