I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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