There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
