thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
