Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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