u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
