at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
