Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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