Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
