He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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