Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
