Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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