you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
