You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
