do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
