I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
