somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
