My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
