I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
