Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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