I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
