I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize