every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
