So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
