so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
