you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
