i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
