how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
