The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
