My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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