Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
