wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
