My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
