Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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