peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
