I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
