he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he fucked my hip out of place.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats