I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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