So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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