i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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