I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
