nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
