saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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