hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
