I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
