his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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