My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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