I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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