Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it glows. i had to have it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
tell me about the eggs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
