I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
