dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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