Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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