Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
