my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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