i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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