phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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