I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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