There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
