Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
