He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now