Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.