I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.