Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days