We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him