this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.