Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
