Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
