Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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