all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize